Man From Nantucket...

Ah, the limerick. Language Art in its most base form, for demented schoolboys and smart ass English teachers. And I love, love, love it. Why does the limerick lend itself to such depravity? I don’t know, but let’s investigate.

The limerick has a particular meter and a particular rhyme for each line. The classic "Nantucket::" (oral tradition, as it were.)

There once was a man from Nantucket (three beats)
Whose dick was so long he could suck it. (three beats)
He said with a grin (two beats)
While wiping his chin (two beats)
If his ear was cunt, he would fuck it. (three beats)

Note the accent in the first line on "once" "man" and "NanTUCKet", and in the second line on "said" and "grin." So the rhyme scheme is always A A B B A. The simplicity of this rhyme and meter lends a flow that makes limericks easy to construct and memorize. As with any set form, contrivance will sometimes be necessary. Observe what I observe about myself:

A poet who thought he was great
Whose wit time shall never abate
Made verse that was crass
Pulled out from his ass
His ego you just can’t deflate.

That's all there is to it. now you try! You don't have to make it nasty. I actually know a girl who offers to "pee in their shoes." And who the fuck really likes their job? The other two are just something I made up.

A girl in the place named of Liz
At wonkyness she's quite the wiz.
Who gave you the blues?
She'll pee in their shoes!
That's just the sweet thang that she is.

My job makes me tired and sick.
One could say that it sucks on a dick.
If that's not so wrong,
Just why not say "dong"
Then change it to something like "prick."

I live in a town where the boys
Make lots of bravado and noise
Yet when they're away
The become highly gay
To play with each other like toys.

Your mom was outside in the yard.
THe sight of her made my cock hard.
Right there on the grass
I got me some ass
How it shook like a bucket of lard!

Um, well sorry. It's harder make a clean limerick. So I'll continue with the nasty ones!

How many of you ladies can relate:

A man to his wife said, "Oh pish!
Your cunt is as big as a dish!"
She said, "Why you fool!
With your limp little tool,
It's like driving a nail with a fish!"
(from the book The Limerick., which I don’t have handy so the quote may not be exact.)

c 2007 Jayvin Alternative Media, so don't steal my original limericks!

Notes On Shakespeare

This play, written circa 1606, was based on historical fact surrounding Banquo, the Scottish nobleman and ancestor of King James I. Shakespeare’s repertory company found favor with the king who generously supported the theater. Macbeth was most likely a tribute to James I. Shakespeare depended greatly on Holinshed’s Chronicles, published in 1577, as a reference for his historical plays.

An Excerpt from Shakespeare’s Macbeth:

Act IV, Scene I. A cavern. In the middle, a boiling cauldron.

[Thunder. Enter the three witches.]

FIRST WITCH. Thrice the branded cat hath mewed.
SECOND WITCH. Thrice and once the hedge pig whined.
THIRD WITCH. Harpier cries, “’Tis time, ‘tis time.”
FIRST WITCH. Round about the cauldron go;
In the poisoned entrails throw.
Toad, that under cold stone
Days and nights has thirty-one
Sweltered venom sleeping got
Boil thou first i' the charmed pot.
ALL. Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
SECOND WITCH. Fillet of fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder’s fork and blindworm’s sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet’s wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell broth boil and bubble.
ALL. Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
THIRD WITCH. Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches’ mummy, maw and gulf;
Of the ravined salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digged in the dark,
Slivered in the moon’s eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tartar’s lips,
Finger of birth-strangled babe,
Ditch-delivered by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab;
Add thereto a tiger’s chaudron,
For the ingredients of our cauldron.
ALL. Double, double, toil and trouble.
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
SECOND WITCH. Cool it with a baboon’s blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.
[Enter HECATE, to the other three WITCHES]
HECATE. O, well done! I commend your pains;
And every one shall share i’ the gains;
And now about the cauldron sing,
Like elves and fairies in a ring,
Enchanting all that you put in.
[Music and a song. “Black Spirits,” etc. HECATE retires.]
SECOND WITCH. By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes.
Open, Locks,
Whoever knocks!
[Enter MACBETH.]

MACBETH. How now, you secret, black, and midnight hags!
What is ‘t you do?

***
Although Shakespeare was not the first by far to write of so-called witches, the image of witches around a cauldron that was impressed upon us as children comes largely from the quoted portion of this play. How many of us are familiar with “Double, double, toil and trouble?” How often is “Something wicked this way comes” quoted?

The detailed description of the items placed in the cauldron were set to at once disgust and amuse, and to play upon the highly superstitious Elizabethan sensibilities. Four hundred years later, the effect remains. Children place imaginary offal in their imaginary cauldrons, and adults recoil with a laugh.

Witch trials and murders of the convicted were common at the time.

I am not a particular fan of Shakespeare, just making a point about the witches.

c. 2007 Jayvin Alternative Media.

Just A Thought....

Would you be embarrassed if your dad owned a tampon string factory?

Clock

My friend has this really annoying clock. She's sitting here laughing at me while I make this post. I really hate that fucking clock. When I spend the night, I have to stop the pendulum from swinging, because the damn thing bongs every hour, when I am trying to sleep. It took her a long time realize that the stoppage of her clock coincided with my visits. So now, I listen to the clock and complain about it. She got it as an anniversary present, so I suppose it has some special meaning to her. But to me, it's just a really annoying damn clock. The last time I spent the night, I was too drunk to care about the bong-bong-bonging of the clock, so I just let it ride. But one day, one day I fully intend to take a baseball bat to that clock.