Man From Nantucket...

Ah, the limerick. Language Art in its most base form, for demented schoolboys and smart ass English teachers. And I love, love, love it. Why does the limerick lend itself to such depravity? I don’t know, but let’s investigate.

The limerick has a particular meter and a particular rhyme for each line. The classic "Nantucket::" (oral tradition, as it were.)

There once was a man from Nantucket (three beats)
Whose dick was so long he could suck it. (three beats)
He said with a grin (two beats)
While wiping his chin (two beats)
If his ear was cunt, he would fuck it. (three beats)

Note the accent in the first line on "once" "man" and "NanTUCKet", and in the second line on "said" and "grin." So the rhyme scheme is always A A B B A. The simplicity of this rhyme and meter lends a flow that makes limericks easy to construct and memorize. As with any set form, contrivance will sometimes be necessary. Observe what I observe about myself:

A poet who thought he was great
Whose wit time shall never abate
Made verse that was crass
Pulled out from his ass
His ego you just can’t deflate.

That's all there is to it. now you try! You don't have to make it nasty. I actually know a girl who offers to "pee in their shoes." And who the fuck really likes their job? The other two are just something I made up.

A girl in the place named of Liz
At wonkyness she's quite the wiz.
Who gave you the blues?
She'll pee in their shoes!
That's just the sweet thang that she is.

My job makes me tired and sick.
One could say that it sucks on a dick.
If that's not so wrong,
Just why not say "dong"
Then change it to something like "prick."

I live in a town where the boys
Make lots of bravado and noise
Yet when they're away
The become highly gay
To play with each other like toys.

Your mom was outside in the yard.
THe sight of her made my cock hard.
Right there on the grass
I got me some ass
How it shook like a bucket of lard!

Um, well sorry. It's harder make a clean limerick. So I'll continue with the nasty ones!

How many of you ladies can relate:

A man to his wife said, "Oh pish!
Your cunt is as big as a dish!"
She said, "Why you fool!
With your limp little tool,
It's like driving a nail with a fish!"
(from the book The Limerick., which I don’t have handy so the quote may not be exact.)

c 2007 Jayvin Alternative Media, so don't steal my original limericks!