TMI

When the weather gets colder, long about mid November, my skin gets dry on my lower legs, hands, upper back, and in a small place just forward of my left ear. Oh yeah, the right nipple, too. It drives me fucking nuts! When I scratch it, it looks like I’m adjusting a bra strap. Which, of course, I don't have. I'm just saying...

The right nipple, like the right everything else, is slightly larger than the left, as my attentive boyfriend so eagerly pointed out to me one day. Actually no one is symmetrical, except Denzel Washington. Supposedly, the more symmetrical you are, the more handsome and Greek God-like you are. Whatever.

I had a boyfriend with the biggest penis I’ve ever seen, live or recorded. A Magnum condom was barely big enough to cover The Dick With Its Own Zip Code. He was kind of fucked up about it. Apparently it had caused some problems with his previous boyfriends.

No, I didn’t break up with him because his penis was too big, although it was. I broke up with him because of his drug use.

Incidentally, I had a boyfriend with a small penis. He was also kind of fucked up about it. He tried to over-compensate by being athletic and passionate. It worked.

Gotta bounce. My right nipple itches like a mofo.