You're Entitled

To back your cars around the building at the drive through, then complain that it takes too long to get your food, and the food is wrong. You try keeping up with 200 cars and their food. Just get your fat ass out of your car and go inside where there’s no line.

To complain about the government, but you don’t vote.

To say that the USA is the best country in the world, but you’ve never been anywhere else. Canada doesn’t count.

To think that it’s cool to sag, but you’re too ignorant to know that the custom came from prisons, where belts are not allowed, and that it is used as a sign that a man is available to other men. You ain’t that damn sexy, and no one wants to see your shorts.

To support equal rights, so open your own doors and buy your own damn dinner. And while you’re at it, lift your own damn heavy objects and kill your own damn bugs. Fix all of your own broken shit. Then die in some stupid war, or get a job working 60 hours a week and die from a heart attack and the stress of being ultimately responsible for everyone, all the time.

To say that you’re straight but you have Cher/Madonna/Bette Midler CD’s. Or both ears pierced. Or you shave anywhere other than your face. (No, not there. That’s just weird.)

To say that you’re straight but you press your jeans. No wait, you’re probably just a redneck.

To say that you don’t have anything against gays, as long as they keep to themselves. Just for your peace of mind, at the next Gay Congress, I’ll make sure that we take "Corrupting Straight People’s Children" off the Agenda.

To sit the fuck down and shut the hell up.